My Top Fave Reality Parties 2011: Real Housewives…Ramble

The secrets to creating an event for most of us include food and beverages, decorations and of course, a good guest list. For The Housewives of New York, Hotlanta, The Dirty Jers and Beverly Hills includes entertainment from fire eaters to being the performers themselves (hello Sonia Morgan.)

Here’s a few of the most outrageous parties thrown by the Housewives in a bit of a Face-Off.

BABY SHOWERS:
Dirty Jers: In the season opener, Theresa’s congrats to her brother Joey sparked a fist fight that included senior citizens and women alike. Children were, of course present since it was a baby shower and reprecussions went on for half the season. The saddest part, other than Tre’s kids seeing it all go down, was when Joey cries to his father pleading for them to be a family. The whole escalation was frightening and as much as Bravo watchers have embraced this younger, sexy generation who seem to need to hump anytime anywhere, the frightening fisticuffs left me horrified.

Hotlanta: It seemed like a very quaint, non-wedding for Kim and Kroy’s baby shower. I loved when Phaedra tried to proclaim it reminded her of her baby shower. P- you are a saucy, sassy Southern Belle with a helluva a libido, but Phaedra there was no bizarre dancing or Duh-wight anywhere to be seen. However, things heated up between husbands when Peter the Elderly Husband of model Cynthia Bailey, decided to mix it up with Phaedra’s hubbie, Hunky Ex-Con. Um, Peter dude, shouldn’t you be thinking you are trying to be a Grown-Ass Man? Why are you so incredibly immature and hostile especially after you nabbed the fabulous Cynthia, who you constantly bring down several levels?

Winner… for Class (???): Hotlanta because no actual fists were thrown. Mr. Hunky Ex-Con decided to be the bigger man and back away.

BIRTHDAY PARTIES:

New York: It seems there’s nothing the New York cast likes to do than celebrate birthdays from the elaborate Sweet 16’s of Ramona and The Countess threw for their daughters…on the very same night, and of course Alex’s party on Governor’s Island and that annoying woman Cindy’s party in Quogue, The Countess’ suprize birthday party and even Ramona’s suprize joint birthday party with Sonia.

Beverly Hills: Taylor decided to have a ‘more child-friendly’ party for her daughter this year with 200 of their closest friends. Her daughter was turning five. They rented out a horse farm where Tay-Tay freaked out as the set-up was so last minute and her party-planning BFF, Dana, who always seems like she just smoked a pack of Malboro Reds and ignores negativity, saunters up an hour late. Taylor spent her own big 4-0 in Vegas next to former frienemy, Lisa Vanderpump at Lisa’s daughter’s bachlorette party.

Hotlanta: You didn’t think I’d miss a chance to remind you of Kandi’s 35th Birthday which included a stripper named Ridiculous, a gift from Phaedra did you? A stripper who could pleasure himself. I thought Pandora was the one having the bachlorette party? I mean Kandi’s Momma was there. It was just not the setting at what looked like a very high-end hotel.

Winner for pure volume: While NY had volume in numbers, and Hotlanta had the volume of Ridiculous’ Um, Donkey Dong, I’ve got to give it up for Taylor’s lips.

THEMED PARTIES
The White Party by Kyle Richards where she forces all of her devious friends to pretend they are as pure, or at least dress as pure as the driven snow. Alleged Abuser Slash Husband of Taylor- Russell has decided to threaten Camille Grammar for repeating Taylor’s abuse allegations…which were in ‘private’ (filmed) and how would he have known what she said unless Taylor mentioned it? So, this gets the Armstrongs barred from The White Party. Sad especially when last year Russell stranded Taylor there, she had a good cry on Kyle’s bed and then they danced the night away.

Adrienne Malouf’s Fashion Show… is that a theme? Cause if so, she did a great job of upping She by Sheree just a notch. The fashion show was to benefit Step Up, but it was also to debut the shoes Adrienne is now selling for $15K a pair. Malouf claims she didn’t want to detract from the charity aspect by actually showing off the shoes. Models wore outfits that covered the shoes, as did Adrienne herself. What is it with The Emperor Has No Clothes/Shoes theme by default Stop throwing fake fashion shows on TV if you don’t want attention drawn to your brand.

Sonia Morgan’s Ballroom Party … New Yorker’s are very busy, and apparently Sonia is so busy she forgot the bottom half of her costume. Instead of hiding in a corner, Sonia was brazen enough to bend over and show off her ass as much as possible.

Winner: Kyle of BH because she is the only one with an intentional themed party.

I’m looking forward to seeing the wedding parties of both Kim to Kroy and Lisa’s daughter Pandy to her man Jason. And, with that I leave you with this thought:

When Reality Kills…Ramble

It’s been strange and sad to watch this year’s seasons of The Real Housewives. Divorce has been rampant on every location: Orange County’s Vicki & Tamara & Gina all went to dust, although Gina’s divorce is still pending. New York saw the end of Countess Luann’s marriage and hints at infidelity by Ramona’s husband Mario. Washington saw the demise of Brit Kat’s marriage. Atlanta showcased NeNe’s hatred of her husband Greg and its still not clear if they have made up or just delayed the inevitable. Forget divorce though, it’s average in comparison to the family feuds, fist fights and bankruptcy on New Jersey.

As I’ve said before when a huge fight broke out on the season premiere of Jersey, when is Bravo going to take some social responsibility for abused people? Or put up a phone number to call? Well, it took the recent suicide of Beverly Hill’s (first couple to crumble under the reality strain), of Russell Armstrong to get there. While Armstrong’s sad decaying marriage and evaporating bank account was enough to get a tag and cut from many of the scenes sending story editors back into edit bays and raw footage for alternate story lines to highlight, it wasn’t enough for Bravo to pull the entire series from airing.

How could it be? They spent money promoting it, caught nasty, painful scenes between Kim and Kyle Richards trying to mend from the scars of Kim calling Kyle out on the season finale last year for being an alcoholic. All of this is just too tempting to Bravo but what does it say about us, the viewing audience? Is this too much for us? Do we delight in seeing spoiled, rich people continue to defy the recession and throw it in our faces that it’s not enough for them to show respect for one another and not throw punches? I go in and out of phases where I turn away from these shows. Russell’s death was given all of five minutes of air time discussion and a tag at the end of the show. It might also be enough to finally cure me of a sick need to tune in for these mind-rotting shows.

New Jersey Housewives Getting Too Personal?…Ramble

I was debating the season premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey with a good friend of mine, who felt from a reality show standpoint the season opener was incredible TV. Do you remember when the reality TV series began? It was fun and silly, it had some drama but as the seasons got longer, for Jersey the cast dwindled and the drama and plot lines were both stretched.

Last season it was painful to watch Bravo trying to thread together Danielle Staubb and the other 3 cast members since they lived in different towns and wanted nothing to do with each other. Last week being the start of a new season which doesn’t include Staubb, a major catalyst for drama that included the phrase “You prostitution whore!” (from Teresa Giudice). In her ever delightful way, Staubb drew attention from the ‘incredible TV’ by signing a 3 year deal with strip club Scores for 3 years, then freaked out when it was instantly picked up by TMZ and said she suffers from low self-esteem. She apparently is now trying to land on Vh1’s Celebrity Rehab. Sound like a certain Salahi who tried the same thing and was removed from the cast prior to taping since she wasn’t an addict? Aiya.

I digress. Back to the season premiere last week of RHONJ. I found it to be too utterly personal. Teresa’s estranged brother and his tacky wife are part of this season’s cast. Teresa did not want them on the show but since she needs the money to pay off debts after declaring bankruptcy (but still lives in a massive McMansion in the Dirty Jers), she had to go there.

I ask you is it too much that her brother Joe told her to f’ off at his son’s christening? It led to an eruption of fists being thrown– seriously at a christening! What in the hell is wrong with these people? This isn’t fun or entertaining. It’s scary and it’s sad they had to stop other guests who were quick to jump in without even knowing the cause of the outbreak, from decking Joe *creepy that he shares the same name as Teresa’s hubbie, and Teresa’s ailing father.

Watch it for yourself

The growth of the reality TV industry has just gone to a place that sometimes is heavy-hitting and sometimes scripted to draw us in (like MTV’s “The Hills”) into fake scenarios to wind up on magazine covers. Are we showcasing that domestic violence is entertainment? Bravo doesn’t have a PSA at the end of episodes which have lead to arrests and say ‘don’t do this at home housewives’ or numbers where you can get help if you are crossed by a violent outburst. This kind of behaviour in person isn’t pleasant. I find it hard it to watch. Should Bravo show some social responsibility?

Now head to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Ding Dong Staub is Gone…Ramble

Last night was the second and final (really people do we need this much RH?) extended reunion of The Real Housewives of The Dirty Jers.

What did we learn?

-Caroline and Danielle will never be friends.

-Jacqueline realizes she looked like an idiot on camera this season.

-Teresa finally got a hold of her attitude and had a normal, decent exchange with Danielle which lead to Danielle hugging both her, then Jacqueline.

-Danielle’s hugs are uncomfortable and come with promises.

-Kim G likes to dress like she is at the Prom. She appeared as a ‘surprise’ ¬†in a turquoise dress with roses as the sleeves to answer allegations from Danielle and the other ladies that she is a shit stirrer as opposed to Sonja Morgan from the New York cast who is “straw the stirs the drink.” I’ll take Sonja any day. She’s a lot more fun.

And finally, although it was teased as Jacqueline, Bravo posted on their blog today the cast member leaving per Andy Cohen is Staub. She’s dunzo with Camp Manzo making my predication on that one correct. I see an infusion of new castmates that are not related to the Manzo Clan. Dina returning is not a sure thing in my eyes.

In any case we’ll all just have to ‘watch what happens.’ ūüôā (p.s. for those asking, sorry I’m not watching the DC clan and probably won’t watch BH Housewives either. I’m reading a lot more these days and losing interest in people screaming at one another.)

The Manzos are Punks…Ramble

The season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey was one of the most interesting episodes of the season. After Dina left mid-way through the season, the ties with Danielle became looser and looser since the Manzos & Teresa’s family rarely interacted with Ms. Staub.

Danielle shared a mutal friend, Kim G, with former BFF, Jacqueline to connect the two parties but it felt forced and ridiculous watching Kim go back and forth between the two homes.

Red hair= clown?

In the conclusion to the season (not counting the two hours of reunion catfighting commencing next Monday), Mama Manzo called for a sit down with Danielle. Danielle’s ex-con friend, Danny, who has had a lot of camera time this season due to Danielle’s inability to maintain female friendships, incited her to think Caroline had masterminded all the bad behaviour this year. If you watch the show you will know Caroline completely took the opposite stance. It was sad to see how easy it is to mislead and instigate drama with Danielle. ¬†I felt pretty bad for her.

Consistent with her avoidance tactics all season long, Caroline addressed the larger Manzo Clan including the children on making a pact to go and end all the drama with Ms. Staub. She should’ve said “let’s all promise to Sttttaub it.” I kid, I kid.

The conversation was civil to a point and then Danielle couldn’t defend her going after Jacqueline’s ill-behaved daughter, Ashley who pulled her extensions at a country club event. The final shot of Ashley said she had to pay a fine of $189 and the harassment charges were dismissed by the judge.

We were once again treated to an awkward moment of false victory when Danielle went home to tell her two daughters it was all over with the Manzos. They didn’t seem very impressed when their mother when she introduced the two body guards she hired for her sitdown with Caroline. Danielle had proclaimed she was bringing “Danielle’s Mafia!” and “There’s guys here with guns!” prior to meeting with Manzo. Danielle’s best comeback to Caroline’s accusations she is a clown and garbage was to point out that Caroline has red hair which makes her the clown. Oh, beat up on a ginger! ¬† Um. Danielle take a class in zingers instead of kick boxing.

There’s no way that Bravo can pull this off for a third season. If you just can’t get enough of being STAUBBED watch her “performance” with featuring her possible lover on the morning show. The dancers were imported from 1989.

I dedicate ‘Family’ to Caroline who towed the line that hurting her family, is hurting her:

Double Kims Clunk Up Dirty Jers…Ramble

This week’s Real Housewives of New Jersey shed a spotlight on just how big a programming issue it is that the Manzos and Teresa will not interact with Danielle. That nasty, desperate Kim G. couldn’t keep her sick lies straight and act like a human for five seconds.

Kim G. told Caroline that Jacqueline was obsessed with Danielle…in earshot of Jacqueline. Um, yeah she heard that and she is kind of done with you and your crap finally.

The show got even more disjointed when the party planner, Elvira was introduced. What is it with Bravo adding party planners to the mix? I didn’t care for Jen Gilbert being stuck into the NY franchise and now this? At least Andy Cohen tweeted Elvira was definitely NOT a new housewife. Apparently Elvira had been sending out press releases about being added to the cast. It was odd. She insulted Teresa right off the bat and never stopped. Even though the party came out great it seemed bizarre that Teresa would hire her.

Back to Teresa’s actual housewarming party which included Jaqueline calling her the afternoon of the party to guilt Teresa into inviting Kim G. Seriously? Of course the chatter was about Danielle. It was ridiculous. It became even more forced when Kim D took the mic from Teresa during a speech she was making. Who the heck is that? She’s the woman who owns that tacky shop Danielle owns hundreds of dollars to and also vacillates between her loyalties.

All in all, it wasn’t the finest show but Bravo somehow finally manages to use the Kims as a bridge next week to set up Teresa and Danielle at the same event. Scenes from the next week mention a knife and sirens. I think Danielle is a serious liability. If I were ¬†a Bravolebrity I would not be anywhere near her after all the threats she has made on camera.

Dirty Jers’ Kim G…Ramble

This season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey presented Bravo with a big problem. None of the Manzo Clan or their family friend Teresa wanted anything to do with Danielle Staub. How to fix? Insert another Housewive, Kim G.

As previously mentioned, Kim G. looked appalled when Danielle’s male friend mentioned he was an ex-con just¬†prior to the three of them climbing into Kim’s Bentley to attend a benefit at the Manzo-owned Brownstone.

Insert a ‘friend’ for Danielle in the form of Caroline Manzo’s son Chris’ best friend’s mother (got that?! )¬†Kim G.. Initially Danielle called out Kim G. as a friend of the Manzo’s during a ridiculous luncheon in honor of her daughter’s first fashion magazine cover. (FYI, neither said daughter or any of her friends were invited to the luncheon. Pazza! that’s Italian for crazy aka Danielle Staub)

Unlike Sonja Morgan who injected ‘helium’ into RHNYC, who would rather bring drama around making fun of herself than others, Kim G. goes out of her way to stir the pot. Any time she sees a Manzo the first words out of her mouth are about Danielle. Kim G. has been given a shot at the ‘faux fame’ Jerry Seinfeld despises on the show and she is running with it like a high school gossip complete with a leopard print head band I so covet more than any of her wealth. (That’s the Long Island in moi!)

Monday’s episode shed light on Kim G’s naughty behaviour and lies. She has been playing everyone off of one another. She told Danielle to have Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashley, ¬†arrested for harassing her and she told Jacqueline she told Danielle to drop it as the adult. Che vero? (That’s Italian for tell me the truth you lying rich mofo!)

HERE’S WHAT: Kim G. is a great addition to the cast, unevenly and forcibly trying to unite two camps that want nothing to do with one another. She tried to follow Danielle and her thrown together group of girlfriends who all seem to have a penchant for violence and lowest common denominator humor (in response to a heartfelt note from the departing housewife Dina Manzano one ‘lady’ suggested writing back a note that started with an ‘F and ends with a U’ – I’m sure she is an etiquette teacher.)

It’s very entertaining to watch Kim G. try to infiltrate both sides so obviously. Caroline Manzo said on camera she called her to have lunch but she turned her down. Caroline doesn’t want to rock the boat with¬†acquaintance, Kim G. because she wouldn’t want it to¬†impact in any way the friendship of their two sons. *Does this sound like a nice way of saying she doesn’t want to film with this biatch?

Next week looks like Kim G’s lies catch up with her when she finally does get on camera with Caroline. Well that was quick! Grazie Bravo!