Checking in with the RHOBH…Ramble

@AnnaMack slightly admonished me for not being a beacon for those who watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and perhaps not the other installations) shouting “it’s back with another season”. Alright Lady, I’m going to catch you up. Tonight is the third episode so you haven’t missed too much. 

1. Kyle Richards is suddenly the peace maker wanting all the girls to get along and have no drama. Hey Kyle, stop pulling a Camille season two and being dull just because everyone saw your truly a catty mean girl last season. I’d also like to see you get a new hairstyle to freshen things up. 

2. Adrienne Malouf and Lisa Vanderpump are still not speaking. Lisa and Giggy and of course, somewhere in the mansion her husband Ken, have all moved. Lisa’s new closet is Glamour with a capital “G”. That “G” includes Giggy’s fabulous wardrobe and his very own travel gear. 

Adrienne got miffed and embarrassed not to be invited to an annual party at Villa Blanca. I think Lisa was wise not to invite her. Adrienne showed in the reunion for last season how jealous she is of Lisa and her witty comments (flashing on Jill Zarin and Betthany Frankel- who I liked until they both became henious beasts to one another. Betthany we don’t need to see you peeing pregnant in your wedding dress on a bucket, but maybe some people do. I don’t watch her solo show it seems to forced to me). 

Now Adrienne’s making a big deal telling Taylor and Kyle that Lisa is acting “very high school” by not meeting with her. I don’t know about you, but when I can cut out my interactions with toxic people I do. Adrienne in the process of this Lisa bashing sent a hacked off tree branch with flowers to the party she wasn’t invited to– how is that not absolutely high school with money? 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 3 – Lisa's Villa Blanca Party Pics – Photo Gallery – Bravo TV Official Site.

Kyle in her faux peacemaker role is trying to get in the middle. She’s a meddler that one. 

3. Kim Richards is back. What the what? you ask. Oh yeah, I guess she is in dire need of the cash because going to rehab didn’t stop her from signing up for another uncomfortable season full of forced interactions with Kyle. Kyle still acts like they are teenagers who can say evil, hurtfull thing and ten minutes later it is forgotten and forgiven. Sorry Sister, when you out your sister as an alcholic on national cable television, that isn’t exactly going to mend fences. 

Kim is as odd as ever but actually showing up for parties so maybe Bravo told her she could come back on the condition she shows up to group events! Kyle continues to try and force closeness with Kim at the Villa Blanca Party (uh no thanks once more) and her daughter’s 4th birthday party (that probably cost more than your rent/mortage/car payment combined– don’t get me started on the new car her husband suprized her with cause that’s more than your salary). 

4. Taylor is back too. Mmm, her new tagline “I fought too hard for this zip code to give it up now.” Oh no Honey, no. She seems as on the cusp of having a botox explosive meltdown as ever. She immediately takes an overheard comment from newbie, Yolanda (oh we’re getting to her!), at the Villa Blanca party that Brandi made about it being a small town – paraphrasing here – small town we all know the same people, slept with the everyone, etc. — to be literal. No, Brandi has not slept with all of Beverly Hills and if she had so what? Are you jealous Tay Tay cause you only allegedly hooked up with that cast member of the Bravo Dallas Society Show and Brandi admitted to hooking up with movie star Gerard Butler? Either way Taylor kept repeating the line to everyone “Brandi said she has slept with everyone in town” at any chance she got and several times at Portia’s 4th birthday party. Oh Taylor. And where was Taylor’s daughter? Not at the party. 

Taylor also roped in Adrienne and Kyle’s husband’s to run a mile in heels for abused women the morning of Portia’s birthday party. How to fit it all in my dears? Well, if you are loaded and have your own private Malouf jet you just fill that up to fly up to Sacremento for the event and pop on back down in time to make the party. No airport queues for you Lady Luxury! 

5. Brandi Glanville is back and totally BFF with Lisa Vanderpump. She still makes hump jokes about Lisa’s hubbie Ken but it’s all in good-bordeline-grasping-for-attention-I-don’t-wear-bras-but-I-am-good-fun-wink-wink fun. It’s quite entertaining. 

Brandi sort of leaches on to Lisa’s invite to Portia’s birthday party but left her pee-on-the-lawn-offspring off the guestlist. She is nervous for any Taylor time and winds up bailing early on the party despite Camille finally making an appearance. 

6. Lisa Vanderpump felt the sting of last season’s reunion and seems she wants to remove herself from a bit of the toxic behaviour. I can understand her wounds, but she’s not toning down who she is like Kyle. She’ll get to Adrienne and her tree trunk on tonight’s episode, but she doesn’t need it to be a three ring circus full of other housewives while she does so.  Fabulous as always in her signature pink, I can’t wait to see more of Lisa this season.

7. Newbie Yolanda Foster, a friend of Lisa’s has joined the cast. The thread? She is the former wife of Mohammad, the uber rich guy who threw Lisa’s daughter Pandora an engagement party during which Kyle showed off her ability to do splits and why Maurico keeps her decked out in brand new whips. 

Yolanda, a former supermodel, is the fourth wife of 16 time Grammy winning producer, David Foster. You reality hounds may remember him as the exhausted stepfather (now former) of Brody and Brandon Jenner off their own reality series “The Princes of Malibu”. And in reality show loops that leads back to “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” as all reality shows must. 

Yolanda quickly lets us know she doesn’t like games. She doesn’t think highly of stage mothers and 1,2,3 cut to her on-set telling daughter *also a model of course- Gigi what she should be doing. Yolanda also tells the make-up artist not to make Gigi’s eyes look Chinese. Hey Yolanda in this country the whole ‘don’t make my daughter have slanty eyes thing’ is not something you should say outloud, ever, and certainly not on camera. I broke my remote throwing it up in disgust. Thanks for including that Bravo! 

I can’t wait for tonight’s episode when Yolanda and David Foster pounce their laid back yet completely uptight paws onto Taylor. 

 

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When Reality Kills…Ramble

It’s been strange and sad to watch this year’s seasons of The Real Housewives. Divorce has been rampant on every location: Orange County’s Vicki & Tamara & Gina all went to dust, although Gina’s divorce is still pending. New York saw the end of Countess Luann’s marriage and hints at infidelity by Ramona’s husband Mario. Washington saw the demise of Brit Kat’s marriage. Atlanta showcased NeNe’s hatred of her husband Greg and its still not clear if they have made up or just delayed the inevitable. Forget divorce though, it’s average in comparison to the family feuds, fist fights and bankruptcy on New Jersey.

As I’ve said before when a huge fight broke out on the season premiere of Jersey, when is Bravo going to take some social responsibility for abused people? Or put up a phone number to call? Well, it took the recent suicide of Beverly Hill’s (first couple to crumble under the reality strain), of Russell Armstrong to get there. While Armstrong’s sad decaying marriage and evaporating bank account was enough to get a tag and cut from many of the scenes sending story editors back into edit bays and raw footage for alternate story lines to highlight, it wasn’t enough for Bravo to pull the entire series from airing.

How could it be? They spent money promoting it, caught nasty, painful scenes between Kim and Kyle Richards trying to mend from the scars of Kim calling Kyle out on the season finale last year for being an alcoholic. All of this is just too tempting to Bravo but what does it say about us, the viewing audience? Is this too much for us? Do we delight in seeing spoiled, rich people continue to defy the recession and throw it in our faces that it’s not enough for them to show respect for one another and not throw punches? I go in and out of phases where I turn away from these shows. Russell’s death was given all of five minutes of air time discussion and a tag at the end of the show. It might also be enough to finally cure me of a sick need to tune in for these mind-rotting shows.

Real Sousedwives of Beverly Hills…Ramble

Naughty Naughty Botox Bombshells

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills took an unexpected twist as it ended the series, not only with the manipulator Camille Grammar implying that Kelsey Grammar likes to sleep with men, but the aunts of Paris & Nikki Hilton- Kyle and Kim Richards proving why sisters should never be on a reality show together. There’s too much history, too much hurt to inflict and too much that you may say in life that you can’t take back once it is on tape in the heat of the moment.

When Kim, a child actress starring in the Disney film “Escape to Witch Mountain” ( a fact she reminded the audience of every chance she got), was first giving her confessionals there seemed to really be something odd about her. I couldn’t tell if she was just a real drip or it was the sadness of missing being in the spotlight. She kept pressing how much she loved being a mom and that was her “thing” so perhaps she really was just  a stay at home mom – I’m not against taking pride in your kids, but Kim didn’t talk about them as much as she rehashed that she was a child star who supported her family and raised Kyle, but now the shoe was on the other foot and she didn’t like that very much.

Et tu Kyle (aka Brute?)

During the series, castmate and Kyle’s dear friend Villa Blanca restauranteur Lisa Vanderpump (hello if you missed out on the ‘Dynasty’ years then Lisa is here to give us a dose. She is divine!) set Kim up with her friend Martin. There were at least three instances when Martin asks Kim if she needs a drink and she declines so it was really bizarre when Kim showed up wasted at a birthday party for her least favorite Housewive, Taylor.

Kim and Taylor have been fighting all season. They never really warmed to each other and when the wives made a trip to see Kelsey Grammer in La Cage Au Foles on Broadway, Taylor threatened to go all Oklahoma on Kim’s ass for implying she sparked a fight between Camille and Kyle. Lisa also felt Taylor could be a bit shady and had stirred the trouble and came right out and asked her about it several times over drinks. If I thought anyone was an alcoholic it would’ve been Taylor with her abusive past and cold husband. TayTay also likes to laugh in

Yes I helped put Kim back in rehab

the face of any conflict and did just that when Lisa confronted her. Instead of taking responsibility for her part in the Camille vs. Kyle Wars, Taylor tried to deflect the blame on to Kim.

Taylor with her subtle-as-a-Louboutin-bouncing-off-her-Botoxed-forehead, decides her birthday party is the place to put things to rest-slash-publicly-confront Kim. Big shocker that Taylor doesn’t approach it in the clear the air once and for all manner that Lisa Vanderpump (don’t you just love that last name Darlings?!) intended and Kim winds up having to defend herself to Taylor, Kim, Kyle and Adrienne all at once. It’s no surprize Kim storms out of the party. The worst part is that Kyle decides this is the perfect time to keep confronting Kim and has her agent make sure Kim does not leave and jumps into the limo Kim has been circling the party with Adrienne Malouf and her ‘former date’ Martin. Good grief Charlie Brown!

Yesterday it was reported that after seeing that episode where Kim makes no coherent sense, her family has made Kim check into rehab again.

Ouch. Poor Kim. All season the relationship between her and the rest of the woman was awkward with some brief moments of lukewarm. It seemed like Kyle was just flashing around her Demi Moore-esque hair and so normal, but apparently it goes even deeper with Kyle’s ridiculously awesome husband Maurico (who Camille implied was cheating on her left and right and later rescinded Camille is a bad, bad lady!) financially supporting Kim. In the limo Kyle tells Kim she is cut off and exposes her as the alcoholic she is which shocks the hell out of Ms. Adrienne Zen Malouf.

I have stated it before and I’ll do it again now, Bravo seems to cast people who are barely hanging on to reality (see Danielle, now formerly of the New Jersey cast & Kelly Bensimone of NY) and being on this show goes from entertaining guilty pleasure to downright uncomfortable as these women truly lose their grip. I didn’t think I could stomach watching this stuff after the last season of NY when the women were so vicious alternating with becoming walking infomercials. However, a friend lured me into the DC edition because those women were actually talking about issues and meeting with politicians about Gay Rights and of course, social climbers The Salahis who gate crashed the White House.

Bravo should pay for therapy for these women but I just keep wondering why it goes this sideways? The Atlanta cast loves to talk about being classy but constantly erupt into weave-pulling and trash talking the moment the camera is on them at the drop of a Gucci handbag. Dang women, it’s not fun. What happened to the fun spirit of these shows? I think it’s finally time to cancel cable but, of course not until after the two-part reunion show. (!)

P.S. I think Lisa Vanderpump should have her own fabulous show Darlings and add her as the key commentator to all the other shows…in place of Andy Cohen. Darling that would be interesting!

Darlings! Be fabulous