Checking in with the RHOBH…Ramble


@AnnaMack slightly admonished me for not being a beacon for those who watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and perhaps not the other installations) shouting “it’s back with another season”. Alright Lady, I’m going to catch you up. Tonight is the third episode so you haven’t missed too much. 

1. Kyle Richards is suddenly the peace maker wanting all the girls to get along and have no drama. Hey Kyle, stop pulling a Camille season two and being dull just because everyone saw your truly a catty mean girl last season. I’d also like to see you get a new hairstyle to freshen things up. 

2. Adrienne Malouf and Lisa Vanderpump are still not speaking. Lisa and Giggy and of course, somewhere in the mansion her husband Ken, have all moved. Lisa’s new closet is Glamour with a capital “G”. That “G” includes Giggy’s fabulous wardrobe and his very own travel gear. 

Adrienne got miffed and embarrassed not to be invited to an annual party at Villa Blanca. I think Lisa was wise not to invite her. Adrienne showed in the reunion for last season how jealous she is of Lisa and her witty comments (flashing on Jill Zarin and Betthany Frankel- who I liked until they both became henious beasts to one another. Betthany we don’t need to see you peeing pregnant in your wedding dress on a bucket, but maybe some people do. I don’t watch her solo show it seems to forced to me). 

Now Adrienne’s making a big deal telling Taylor and Kyle that Lisa is acting “very high school” by not meeting with her. I don’t know about you, but when I can cut out my interactions with toxic people I do. Adrienne in the process of this Lisa bashing sent a hacked off tree branch with flowers to the party she wasn’t invited to– how is that not absolutely high school with money? 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 3 – Lisa's Villa Blanca Party Pics – Photo Gallery – Bravo TV Official Site.

Kyle in her faux peacemaker role is trying to get in the middle. She’s a meddler that one. 

3. Kim Richards is back. What the what? you ask. Oh yeah, I guess she is in dire need of the cash because going to rehab didn’t stop her from signing up for another uncomfortable season full of forced interactions with Kyle. Kyle still acts like they are teenagers who can say evil, hurtfull thing and ten minutes later it is forgotten and forgiven. Sorry Sister, when you out your sister as an alcholic on national cable television, that isn’t exactly going to mend fences. 

Kim is as odd as ever but actually showing up for parties so maybe Bravo told her she could come back on the condition she shows up to group events! Kyle continues to try and force closeness with Kim at the Villa Blanca Party (uh no thanks once more) and her daughter’s 4th birthday party (that probably cost more than your rent/mortage/car payment combined– don’t get me started on the new car her husband suprized her with cause that’s more than your salary). 

4. Taylor is back too. Mmm, her new tagline “I fought too hard for this zip code to give it up now.” Oh no Honey, no. She seems as on the cusp of having a botox explosive meltdown as ever. She immediately takes an overheard comment from newbie, Yolanda (oh we’re getting to her!), at the Villa Blanca party that Brandi made about it being a small town – paraphrasing here – small town we all know the same people, slept with the everyone, etc. — to be literal. No, Brandi has not slept with all of Beverly Hills and if she had so what? Are you jealous Tay Tay cause you only allegedly hooked up with that cast member of the Bravo Dallas Society Show and Brandi admitted to hooking up with movie star Gerard Butler? Either way Taylor kept repeating the line to everyone “Brandi said she has slept with everyone in town” at any chance she got and several times at Portia’s 4th birthday party. Oh Taylor. And where was Taylor’s daughter? Not at the party. 

Taylor also roped in Adrienne and Kyle’s husband’s to run a mile in heels for abused women the morning of Portia’s birthday party. How to fit it all in my dears? Well, if you are loaded and have your own private Malouf jet you just fill that up to fly up to Sacremento for the event and pop on back down in time to make the party. No airport queues for you Lady Luxury! 

5. Brandi Glanville is back and totally BFF with Lisa Vanderpump. She still makes hump jokes about Lisa’s hubbie Ken but it’s all in good-bordeline-grasping-for-attention-I-don’t-wear-bras-but-I-am-good-fun-wink-wink fun. It’s quite entertaining. 

Brandi sort of leaches on to Lisa’s invite to Portia’s birthday party but left her pee-on-the-lawn-offspring off the guestlist. She is nervous for any Taylor time and winds up bailing early on the party despite Camille finally making an appearance. 

6. Lisa Vanderpump felt the sting of last season’s reunion and seems she wants to remove herself from a bit of the toxic behaviour. I can understand her wounds, but she’s not toning down who she is like Kyle. She’ll get to Adrienne and her tree trunk on tonight’s episode, but she doesn’t need it to be a three ring circus full of other housewives while she does so.  Fabulous as always in her signature pink, I can’t wait to see more of Lisa this season.

7. Newbie Yolanda Foster, a friend of Lisa’s has joined the cast. The thread? She is the former wife of Mohammad, the uber rich guy who threw Lisa’s daughter Pandora an engagement party during which Kyle showed off her ability to do splits and why Maurico keeps her decked out in brand new whips. 

Yolanda, a former supermodel, is the fourth wife of 16 time Grammy winning producer, David Foster. You reality hounds may remember him as the exhausted stepfather (now former) of Brody and Brandon Jenner off their own reality series “The Princes of Malibu”. And in reality show loops that leads back to “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” as all reality shows must. 

Yolanda quickly lets us know she doesn’t like games. She doesn’t think highly of stage mothers and 1,2,3 cut to her on-set telling daughter *also a model of course- Gigi what she should be doing. Yolanda also tells the make-up artist not to make Gigi’s eyes look Chinese. Hey Yolanda in this country the whole ‘don’t make my daughter have slanty eyes thing’ is not something you should say outloud, ever, and certainly not on camera. I broke my remote throwing it up in disgust. Thanks for including that Bravo! 

I can’t wait for tonight’s episode when Yolanda and David Foster pounce their laid back yet completely uptight paws onto Taylor. 

 

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