Decoding The Housewives New Jersey…Ramble


Although many people reacted positively, excitedly and most of all reacted to my Unreal Housewives Ramble…there were a few people who read it who normally do not watch the show so this post is to explain what was going on this season for those who a) are not interested in watching but love reading about it b) lost the battle for the remote to the husband c) are married to Jerry Seinfeld and will only concentrate on NJ …NY will get its own entry.

Danielle, Theresa, Jacqueline, Caroline and Dina

SEASON ONE:  The Real Housewives of New Jersey (RHNJ) consists of five women. There are two sisters, Caroline (3 grown children), Dina (1 teenage daughter who appeared on the first season but has not been exposed to the drama this season), their sister-in-law Jacqueline “the friendliest most bubbly one” (with 1 teenage daughter she had as a teen, 1 toddler and a newborn); a family friend Theresa who pays for everything in cash (4 daughters) and Danielle “the prostitution whore” (2 daughters who are a bit more mature than mommy!)

In the first season Jacqueline and Danielle were friends but it caused a huge riff with Jacqueline’s  in-laws who all work at a family owned business, The Brownstone, a catering hall. Theresa was also trying to give Danielle the benefit of the doubt until a crime book popped up detailing that Danielle had been charge with 8 felonies that ran from extortion, cocaine possession, to narcotics conspiracy. (Oh, this is New Jersey all the I-talian women are suspected of having mob ties. Aiya!)

All the women confronted Danielle at an end of season dinner which climaxed in the greatest scene of all time on Housewives’ history. Theresa got so pissed off at Danielle (who had upset Theresa’s husband after he made homophobic comments) and started banging the entire table up and down.

It’s one to read about but …..if you watch the clip of the table flip, you have caught the best moment of the first season.

SEASON TWO

Danielle is friends with none of the other ladies. She has tried to manipulate Jacqueline to betray her family, but finally Jacqueline’s sweet nature can stand no more of this woman who didn’t bother to reach out when she gave birth after struggling to carry a baby to full term.

Here’s what( *an Andy Cohen much used phrase on Watch What Happens Live, the live talk show about all the Bravolebrities….) you feel sorry for Danielle. She is ostracized from the other woman, she is desperately seeking fame through her daughter’s promising modeling career, and she just wants to part of The Pink Ladies. Why can’t she have a jacket? Cause she is off her rocker that’s why.

Then you  watch scenes of Danielle driving around with her daughters in the backseat begging her not to crash a $1000 plate benefit at The Brownstone. It’s icky. Danielle  has money problems so I guess the extra cash from Bravo is helping her work that out but damn woman, why do you care so much about the Manzos? You don’t even live in the same town as them. Why do you have to constantly engage and then preach about being a good Christian? It was clear from the one scene where Danielle meets with a priest that it was their first meeting.

I think it’s great that Danielle is trying to find some peace but she needs to find a new gang. She seems to be trying but it seems like there’s no reason to buy any of Danielle’s good intentions when she invites The Hell’s Angels and convicted felons to walk her into a cancer benefit held at the Manzo-owned Brownstone.  Her new benefactor, Kim G, who’s Bentley they rode in to the event, seemed ready and poised to back Danielle but even countless Botox shots couldn’t hide Kim’s embarrassment once Danielle’s friend Danny commented he couldn’t get into any trouble for six more days because he is on parole. Kim G looked like she was ready to bolt for the hills.

That’s where we are now. An all out war between Danielle and The Manzos entirely family (11 siblings!) and of course Theresa, who has been delivering the best one liners this season ie Danielle is a time bomb tick tock psychobitch!

Highlight of Watch What Happens Live: Caroline Manzo appearing with Ellen Barkin. That’s right, A list movie star Ellen Barkin was hilarious and let’s just saw Barkin has BITE! She loves Caroline and feels Danielle isn’t fit to raise kids.

I’m not going to go that far cause there is a lot of editing but …..well Danielle could definitely use a dose of actual common sense and self-awareness.

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