Wait, the Beautiful People Ending Again?…Ramble


There are historic moments in life that lock into your life forever- where you were, what you were doing at that moment and even the smell of the day as the details of the event became clearer. Perhaps you gathered around a radio or television set or whipped out your PDA to garner any slight detail that may have give you some insight as to “Why God? Why did this happen?” C’est la vie…..such is life. And such is the way many of us followed the twin set of fame and blondeness that was Jen and Brad.

I was watching a tennis match when my sister rushed in to announce “It’s the end of the Beautiful People. Brad and Jen are getting a divorce.” My head sank as I cried out my protests. It was true, the Golden God of “Troy” had betrayed his lady,  making me once again prefer Prince Hector to Achilles.

Moby had even admitted that Brad and Jen were even the inspiration for his song ‘Beautiful’…..and, oh you were Brad and Jen in a casual-we-came-to-play-slash-our-mansion-where-we-smoked-joints-all-day kinda way.

Enter the fierce Brunette, a warrior in the battle of lust, broken relationships and blood vials? Some call her a saint, others a sinner but either way Angelina was delivered the final blow in the fracturing of Brad and Jen by a pouting of her lips, some shaking of those hips.

Someone in need of a whip?

Many celeb couples come and go but there were “Teams” to join on for that break- up. Brad Pitt was the winner while ‘pitting’ (oh hahaha come on now you know you have to laugh at that) the two leading ladies against one another. This hasn’t let up in the five years since Brad and Jen separated and Brangelina was born (as well as 3 of their children!)

Has Angelina make Brad a better man? After all he was always into charitable works, but maybe there weren’t the disasters like Katrina happening during his first marriage where he could show it off in such a high profile way. Even I (admittedly Team Aniston back in the day) admit Brad went from using his almost- architecture degree (he dropped out several weeks before graduation to pursue acting) on bits of naturally decaying LA to helping rebuild the devastated city of New Orléans. Now every time something awful happens Brangelina’s standard tax-deductible donation is a cool million. Damn if that isn’t amazingly generous.

As for Jen, she has gone on to date a series of bad boys. Is she the ultimate single vixen? She always gets painted as a victim but really who is pulling the strings? John Mayer laments about her in the new Rolling Stone mag and of course, the song he wrote about their warped romance “Heartbreak Warfare.”

The media now wants us to rejoice in the chance that Brangelina are now also done, broken and unrepairable. Reports vary:

1) Jen is pregnant!

2) Brangelina are together/apart/together- every five minutes this is like a Britney meltdown. Is there a stop watch timing the end of the relationship?

3) Once free of Angelina, Brad will instantly resume his relationship with Jen after five years and six kids with Angelina. WHAT?! Didn’t anyone notice her limbs wrapped around Gerard Butler a week ago?

Just as with many other celeb couplings and uncouplings the people who really suffer are the children. There are six of them in this case. Six children- some of whom were famous from the moment of conception. Relationships are hard. When the public eye is so fixed upon you it must be even worse having to ‘prove’ your love with public outings, seeing speculations on every magazine cover. Ick!

Maddox was born to rock!Maddox was already headed for therapy once Brad moved in as more than a part-time playmate. Dang! Now he is writing Emo songs and making the other kids take up the tambourine and the balaclava. Team Maddox!

I predict:

1) Brad and Angelina are going through a rough patch. Angie already said they don’t believe in monogamy. They may indeed not making it through this current situation. Then Angie might have her way with Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore. I’m sure he’d rather hook up with the real “Jolie” vs. Angelina from the show.

2) Jen will not get back together with Brad. She will continue to date whatever hot co-star she has and torture John Mayer.

3) Brad will stay single for about a day until he needs a babysitter and then probably hook up with her, a nice normal maternal type who is 22 from Sweden. Perhaps he’ll get the agency number from Jude Law.

4) Angelina will continue on as the matriarch of her rainbow tribe ala Josephine Baker. She will get on the road to Cougar Town, tired of older men like Brad and Billy Bob for some young men who will be left broken upon the rocks when she is finally satiated.

Go good people, into the net, find the details, root it out but like the media it shall never satisfy you but you may be able to find out where Brad Pitt is and apply to be his nanny-kids-optional.

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