Sharks Vs. Octopus…Ramble


jaquetteEver since I first laid eyes on the book cover for  “Jaws” in my neighbours’ home, I was intrigued. As with most people, it the movies made a huge impact on my ventures into the ocean. Long Island water can be described in the 80’s best by Billy Joel “Hyperdermic Needles On The Shore” which didn’t help my fears. My Australian cousins used to take me out on their surfboards and ask if it was okay with me if we went out “past the shark’s net.” Hell to the no!

Still, the sea lingers in my blood and learned how to dive in Sydney and crossed paths with a wobbegong shark about 3 meters long (probably named as in ‘We be long gone!’), during a practice dive near Shelly Beach, Australia. Our dive instructor, Olaf, said it was completely harmless. Uh, this video has slightly more information and I’m glad I didn’t know they often bite divers disturbing them.

Fortunately, I’ve never come across a great white or a tiger shark, though I would love to have try diving with a whale shark. Thus, I was intrigued by a shark marathon on the SyFy Channel that included several shark films I had not seen before including Spring Break Shark Attack which was written by none other than my pal, James LaRosa, who writes a blog for the Tennis Channel, in addition to movies.

Yet the movie that intrigued me just by name alone starred Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo “I’d Rather Take on Megashark then spend time with my dead beat kids” Lamas in “MegaShark vs. Giant Octopus,” not to mention Vic Chao playing Debbie’s love interest. He almost dies for her love, then she tries to play hard to get. The real question is how do Sharks vs. Octopus match up in the ‘real world?’ = my blog.

TASTE TEST:

SHARK: We eat Shark Fin soup but not often in the US and it’s fairly unimpressive, rubbery in taste.

OCTOPUS: Calamari is usually smoothered in breading and fried, to be dipped in some type of tomato dipping sauce, it can also be wonderful boiled without breading.

Winner: OCTOPUS

THEMESONGS:

SHARK: Mac The Knife! The Themesong to Jaws, who hasn’t heard that in their head with low visibilty swimming? “My Head Is Like A Shark Fin” ouch LL bad.

OCTOPUS: The Beatles “Octopus’ Garden” in the shade. Oh yeah!

We don’t need more like this ode to Great Whites:

Winner: OCTOPUS -quality over quantity here folks

FILM CAREER:

SHARKS: Jaws, Deep Blue Sea– let’s face it shark movies are their own genre at this point and an honorable mention “Swimming With The Sharks,” a Hollywood classic movie about …Hollywood.

OCTOPUS: Megashark Vs. Giant Octopus the creature has to team up with an A-lister, the shark to get some traction. It’s not like KRAKEN: Tentacles of the Deep or Octopus 2: River of Fear did anything to boost the Octopus as a predator for anything but crappy movies.

Winner: SHARK hands down

LOVE LIFE:

SHARK: Gets right to the point, can be a bit moody, do not piss off! National Geographic did a study proving Sharks are Pimps too, go and brush your shoulders off :

a female that carries a litter could have up to four different sires, so ten or 12 different babies might have four different fathers, or two different fathers.

OCTOPUS: He’s all legs! Nat Geo:

They live to be about four years old, with both males and females dying soon after breeding. Females live long enough to tend fastidiously to their eggs, but they do not eat during this months-long brooding period, and usually die soon afterwards.

Sex does kill! Damn, dying for passion it’s so Romeo & Juliet, which has always been my least favorite of Shakespeare’s works.

WINNER: SHARK

TV CAREER:

SHARK: One of cable televisions highlights of the year is SHARK WEEK on the Discovery Channel. All year can be Shark Week online there are games, personality quizzes ie “which shark are you?” (great white thank you very much) and great facts about conservation efforts. Even Sharks are prey to man’s stupidity. The only thing the new series “Shark Tank” has to do with sharks is the opening graphics.

OCTOPUS: Cable movies on SyFy “Imagine Greater”…yes, I was hoping for greater than what you were already doing. Sadly, this fierce predator has become a regular of children’s animated shows. Sorry but it’s not very scary when you are acting like a doofus begging for a part on Sponge Bob Squarepants.

WINNER: SHARK

Who wins? Finally tally SHARK 3 vs. OCTOPUS 2

In the future I’m sure we’ll see Sharks battling crocodiles, turtles and giant ants.

I hope I never see this smile one on one!

I hope I never see this smile one on one!

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