These days ‘men’ have been falling over themselves to be boy toys for cougars and pumas (sorry fellas, I don’t date kids in high school!) In order to really get a bankroll, fellas, you have to transform yourself into a diverse brand that can stand apart from your benefactors. A wealthy puma with a global brand is a total catch because she can teach you her devious ways, propelling you to a level of self-promotion you never knew existed and will have you sucking at her fingers for another taste.
Being such a genetic lotto winner, Jesus, decided not to rest on the laurels of his inheritance, and get down to bringing love amongst the people. He found modeling and nightclubs allowed him to do this on a large scale. Then one night he prayed for the message to for the guidance to go global with his message of love. He prayed for someone who could help him promote his message.
God blessed Jesus with great bone structure and a world famous benefactor, Madonna. Hey, we all knew she had a deal with a higher power, we just didn’t know which one but despite the Kabblalah bracelet, Madge’s Catholic practices helped her get famous in the first place. She’s upgraded from faux Jesus, to a real Jesus. Madonna is paying her debt to God not only by adopting a rainbow tribe (Madge, you need an Eurasian next & I’m fully trained!), but making the dreams of Jesus come to light.
Jesus wants to be a DJ. If you haven’t already seen him being undressed in Madonna’s crotchscratchular (scratching is a DJ term, wink wink) “Celebration” video (she is celebrating getting another shot at the fountain of youth), here’s a little clip of him acknowledging Paul Oakenfold should stay behind the turntables himself:
I love you Paul Oakenfold but dancing is not your forte. It makes me laugh as Jesus looks at the Madonna ‘Celebration’ shirt Paul has to wear, while Lady Madonna ripped his shirt off of him.
If you are on the fence about buying a ticket to Brazil, for Jesus’ October tour dates, you can get a taste of now by downloading his demo. I’m serious, it’s Music Monday, don’t you want to dance? For inspiration? Come onnnnnn, I’m waiting!