In Defense of Gwyneth Paltrow & Her GOOP…Ramble

“Fuck the haters!” Gwyneth Paltrow said in the March issue of British Elle. “I saw this blog of people writing horrible things about me and for a second your ego is so wounded … How could people hate me, my intentions or what I’m trying to do? I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world.”

Hey Gwynnie, that’s not exactly the motto of your lifestyle website, GOOP, “nourish the inner spirit.” Yet, I can’t help think that it is. Tell those haters to shove it because honey, you have an Oscar. Why are all these people hating on Gwyneth? Yes, she says high brow pretentious things all the time, but I take pure joy in hearing them. People often wonder is she in on the joke?  I think she is the mastermind of the joke. Perhaps, like one of my boyfriends you feel you need a dictionary to understand her.  We’re too damn sensitive all the time and she calls us, America out on it. Gwyneth has an opinion and she’s not afraid to speak her mind.

I get asked ad nauseum why exactly I like her. According to my sister, I’m the only one she knows who likes Gwyneth. She’s wrong, Dr. Mom likes her too! As I do seem to always like the esoteric aka ‘difficult’ ones, I’ll give you insights into why I get a kick out of Gwyneth.

Gwyneth had a number one hit for singing ‘Cruisin’ with Huey Lewis. Yes, it was in Australia, who also are the only country to release The Hoff ‘Get Into My Car’…..but also the home of INXS, Jimmy Barnes (his daughter Eliza is the muse of Liam Finn), John Farnham, and of course, hello the one and only Eric Bana. Eric deserves his own ramble so I’ll move on now.

Which she and hubbie, Chris Martin sang at a friend’s wedding. She sounds vocally better than CMartin on this one (vocal imperfections make me, yeah love Coldplay!)

She’s married to the aforementioned Chris Martin, another person people seem to think is far too serious. Ricky Gervais’ interview with Chris sheds some light on that one:

and her man beats up the paparazzi for her when she’s been in hospital for fasting too much:

Oh, you thought I was going to say he also wrote a number one hit “Fix You” that is now a Coldplay classic? Well, yeah that too. He proves in this bit, that he rushes home for Gwyneth’s cooking.

Which takes us to Gwyneth’s cooking videos on GOOP. Who doesn’t need to know how to properly debone a chicken?

Not only did I find that video useful and I want to make some yummy chicken, I dearly love to laugh just like Elizabeth Bennett in ‘Pride & Prejudice.’ GP’s first cooking video took a lot of heat and even sparked this hilarious send up on

and Little Britain

If you can inspire in song and laughter how bad can you be?

Still not convinced? She let’s her kids listen to Uncle Jay-Z “99 Problems.” No? How about GP went on Conan with actual GOOP all over her fabulous legs? Thanks Gwynnie for posting exercise videos from your personal trainer so we can all try to get our legs looking that fabulous.

Gwynnie is just an Oscar winner trying to give back. She was charming in ‘Emma’ and renewed my love for that book. I thought Miramax should’ve campaigned for Joseph Fiennes’ eyes to win for ‘Shakespeare in Love’ but GP made it up to him by getting him cast in ‘Running With Scissors.’ GP is good to her friends, who mostly happen to be famous. How could they not? She grew up with a father who was a director and Blythe Danner for a mother? Even her brother, Jake is now a director.

 (Photo: Jenny Gage & Tom Betterton)
(Photo: Jenny Gage & Tom Betterton)

I adore Gwyneth because a) her line in ‘A Perfect Murder’ delivered with disdain: “That’s not happiness to see me.” Response:”Try surprise.” b) dig the reading reccomendations and advice through GOOP, which lead me to ‘Drink, Pray, F@ck’ which sends up the horrid whine, whinge, whine and repeat boo hoo I’m the victim book being made into a movie ‘Eat, Pray, Love.’ c) admire her for being able to wear those wonderful ankle breakers. She was the first one photographed in them and now I bet you have some version of that in your wardrobe as a must d) she gets to make babies with Chris Martin e) when she gets a mother-daughter photo, it’s taken by Annie Liebovitz

(Photo: Annie Liebovitz)
(Photo: Annie Liebovitz)

I’m also really glad that GP recently said she wasn’t going to start making kids films in lieu of accepting creative movie roles that speak to her. It’s annoying how parenthood has done that for some stars who used to be ‘edgy.’ People seriously want to bend the truth and take it out of context that she’s against kids’ films are seriously just haters. More press for Gwynnie, better movies for us! Go GP! (p.s. I picked that quote link since it links to an OLD! photo of Coldplay. Hahaha.)

Finally, I got a cheap thrill out of the fact I turned my friend Brian onto loving Gwyneth. He now goes around qualifying people with “she’s so not fabulous, she’s not being followed by GOOP on twitter.” In closing, it’s because GP is not Flawless, makes her appealing to me. I also have a few suggestions to give her for increasing GOOP’s traffic but it seems she’s already got Corporate America knocking on her door to partner with her so I’ll have to save that for the day when I either get to interview her or vice versa. GP let’s get together to do some cooking. I’ll introduce you to pre-marinated salmon from Trader Joe’s and help you deal with your reconstruction hassles in London. You can let me wear your accessories and do my Chris Martin dancing impression. It’s about perfect for a person who with one good ankle. Nourish that inner funnybone!

29 October update: Great quote from GP on the red carpet last night only proving my point Gwyneth is fabulousity personified with a great sense of humor.

“Oh we love movies at our house, and we get everything. Everything! Every children’s movie, every documentary, every drama, every indie, every porn–just kidding about the porn!” –Gwyneth Paltrow on her love of all film genres during the Valentino: The Last Emperor DVD launch party last night in New York. *from Fashion Week Daily


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